Your spouse took you by surprise, but not the good kind. Being presented with divorce papers when you did not expect it at all is no less than a traumatic experience. You may be planning to surprise your spouse with a Hawaii trip for your next anniversary, and the next morning, they tell you they want a divorce. Divorce is much worse when one party wants it, and the other does not.
If you were faced with a similar situation recently, life must be hard for you right now. You may be questioning and doubting yourself, thinking about all the things you could have done to avoid this. However, putting the past in the past and moving forward is important. For assistance with your divorce, consult with a Newburyport divorce attorney. Meanwhile, here are a few tips for coping with your divorce.
Coping with a divorce you did not want or expect
- Understand that they had decided to leave you a long while ago.
People do not prepare divorce papers overnight or file for divorce after one silly fight. If your spouse has presented you with divorce papers, it is probably because they have been considering it for a while. They are clear-headed about what they want, and thinking you “talk them out of it” rarely works. In return, they only want you to follow the procedures and sign the papers.
- Set healthy limits.
Do not assume responsibility for the choices that your spouse nor should you blame yourself for the failure of the marriage. Forcing your spouse to stay, crying, and begging them will only be detrimental to your mental, emotional, and even physical health. When your spouse sees you in this state, it may feed into destructive and abusive patterns.
- Allow yourself to grieve.
Without grieving, you won’t be able to forget your past and move on in your life. Grieving is a way of transformation that helps you accept your situation. The first step is coming to terms with what has happened and making space for the pain to heal.
Lying to yourself and others that you are fine and do not need help will worsen it. Additionally, grief is different for each person. Your friend might have gotten over their divorce in 3 months, but it is okay if it takes you longer than that.
- Some people won’t understand why you cannot move on.
You are going to have several battles down the lane after your divorce, one of them being people around you asking you about it when all you want is to forget. Remember that you do not have to start dating or meet new people unless you are ready. Do not listen to people who tell you that “you should get over it because it has been too long.” You have the right to take your time and heal.
